I feel this close to losing out on people around me.. I feel this close losing out on me. I’m draining myself. There are things that are drawing me into it,.. this vicious circle is attracting me. Why can’t I use my senses? I’m encircling myself into shackles. I have lost hope of anyone coming and helping me. I was all by myself and I will be all alone.
Loneliness has surrounded me, it has created a deep hollow inside me. Now I feel this is a part of me, my identity. I fear being with people, fear getting hurt again, fear trusting someone again, fear reaching the level of expecting stuff from someone. Tears rolling is what I crave, but maybe the mind refuses to do that for me.
I lay insensitive and neutral to whatever comes my way. I sometimes feel fear is engraving me, it’s eating me, but maybe very fast even that feeling will be immune inside me.
My mind wants to travel the road with someone else. It stands shattered; it cries inside, just because it is not allowed to cry outside. It longs to share the burden with someone, maybe because it has lost all its power to motivate and keep the body going. It longs for that one moment when someone whispers “I’m there with you always”, “I’m ready to hold on to you no matter what”, “I’m there along you to face this journey together”
But choice rests on me: to be or not to be, to be someone like this, or to surpass all this by routing as well as mapping my mind to things unimagined.
Faith sustains and binds me to be someone I wanted to be. I chose “to be” irrespective of how challenging I feel. I chose “to be ” irrespective of external forces governing me. I chose “to be” who never quits. Let’s choose today “To be” or “not to be”
